Whenever something happens which is not as per our liking, it hurts us. Why? This happens because we feel out of control. As a human we always want to be in control and in-charge of our life. We want life to follow a certain pattern of our choice. We work out our day to day life accordingly. We like to work in a routine manner. And for sometime this works fine till one day……something unexpected happens all of a sudden. There is a change – a big change in our routine. It could be anything – being deceived by a trusted friend, robbery, dreaded disease, accident, loss of a loved one, loss of job, non promotion, false charges, scandal, arrest, rejection by parents etc.
First thing we do in such circumstances is to start reasoning it out – What, Why, When, Where, How? We somehow are convinced that some lack of action on our part has resulted in this situation and it could have been avoided had we been alert. Thus we lose our peace of mind because internally we hold ourselves responsible why because over the years we have been aware of operation of that spiritual law – As you Sow, So shall you Reap.
As long as it was happening as per our liking we were Ok with it. But it is not always as per our liking.New age thinking also agrees that We Create Our Own Reality i.e., whatever is happening in our life is result of our own thoughts, actions and words. To an extent it is true also because God has made human being intelligent enough to be able to discriminate black from white and then make right choice. But sometimes this carefully made ‘right choice’ back fires completely and leaves us in state of shock. It is at this point that we start to understand our own helplessness and ultimately understand the presence of a bigger divine force operating this entire Universe. Meaning of word ‘destiny’ now becomes clear. Certain parts of our life are preordained and do take place despite all our efforts to prevent it
As human being our understanding and intelligence is limited to knowledge of this world that we have learnt about in educational institutions from childhood. We know about subjects like geography, history, maths etc but we have no awareness of spiritual knowledge – the unseen world beyond earthly dimensions. This is where FAITH comes in. Faith means believing in the power of the unseen which is beyond logical perception of an ordinary human being. I believe what my heart says even though my logical mind doesnot agree with it.
We have to understand that there could be many reasons behind our suffering about which we have no clue. To get out of our suffering if there is a way out, we should work on it and try to sort out. However, if nothing is going to change the situation than we have two options (a) to remain in depression and negativity rest of the life (b) Use our intellect to choose and concentrate on the most positive fall out of the event and move on with life holding head high once again. Do not feel complexed just because others have not suffered they way you have. Face the situation as listed below:
1. Staying connected with God is most important. Do not make yourself miserable thinking that you are all alone in your suffering;
2. During time of pain and inner conflict, we can connect with God more easily. What human beings cannot explain, this connection with the Power will reveal to you on its own;
3. While carrying on with day to day life talk mentally to God often. Honestly confess to God exactly how you are feeling. Prayers can be mostly non-repetitive, different and unique each time. This is because our life is ever changing, never constant Don’t wait to enter sanctity of a worship place to say your prayers. Say it wherever you are with firm belief that God is with you always;
4. Do not burden yourself thinking you are bothering God a lot by calling HIM all the time. Find out what lesson we have learnt up from the event;
5. Try to go through the situation quietly without trying to gossip about it. Do not criticize and publicly scandalize about person(s) involved in the situation. Talk to that person alone;
6. This is the time to get to know and get connected with God. Prayer helps a lot in healing our physical and mental self;
7. Try to look at ‘have nots’ those who have suffered more than you. If you try to compare yourself with people doing well it will make you more miserable;
8. Sometimes some bad event cuts us off from ‘our’ world. Do not feel bad about it. God wants you to learn something on your own during this period;
9. Do not say you are feeling lonely, say that you are in solitude working on your inner self;
10. Utilise this free time to introspect, listen to inner self, doing something you have always wanted to do but could not do earlier due to your busy-ness in ‘your’ world. Take rest during this 'break' and try to relax and be with yourself for sometime;
11. During your tough time it is very easy to find who are your true and genuine friends and relatives;
12. What you do in your free time during trial times indicates what sort of character you have. Try to do something constructive and keep yourself busy – read, write down your feelings in a letter to God everyday, paint, meditate, pray, attend some short term course etc;
13. Stay in touch with only those positive people who understand you and encourage you. Keep away from people who simply want to know more details about your situation or those whose presence depresses you further;
14. Sometimes we are not supposed to face the situation boldly and take any severe action. There are times when we have to simply bear the situation and pass through it. This happens in those serious situations e.g. loss of loved one, suffering from terminal disease etc. Comfort yourself that by passing through it your karmic debts are being settled. Realise that Divine Supreme power is in control. Que Sera Sera;
15. Know and believe that not all suffering/ setback/ accidents/ sickness etc in your life is coming as a punishment to you. Stop questioning ‘Why me?’ Most of time you will not get answer to this question. So do not torture yourself. God doesnot want you to know it right now. So wait with hope. Sometimes, finding answers to such questions is the purpose of taking birth in this life time;
16. Do not judge yourself harshly. Understand that to err is human. We all make mistakes. So its OK if I make it or someone else makes it;
17. Do not forget that biggest test of human character and wisdom comes from how he faces difficult times. People develop lot of respect for people who have learnt to face the touch times of life with calm and ease. Such people can help transmute their pain by helping others in similar pain by counseling them;
18. Ancient scriptures have advised us to remain calm in both the situations –when we are at the peak or when we are at the rock bottom. Therefore, showoff during good times as well as bad times should be strictly avoided. Actually good or bad is all in our mind. God wants us to treat every event in our life in a normal manner. Do not get excited at success and do not get depressed during suffering. Embrace the pain for a while but do not hold on to it. Feel it, experience it and let it go;
19. Know that everything happens for learning, betterment and spiritual growth of our soul. It is time to understand that we are not body but soul - which is so pure, divine and eternal;
20. When you are totally clue less about your situation feed yourself with positive thoughts as inscribed in holy scriptures by great Saints - whatever is happening in your life is pre-ordained and for this reason it has to be for your own good which you cannot see right now;
21. Like academic examinations, Life also takes test(s) of our wisdom and inner spiritual growth. The results of these tests in our life are totally unpredictable and sometimes unknown to our limited human psychic;
22. Sometimes these learnings are actually God’s way of preparing us for doing bigger work for ourselves and ultimately HIM;
23. Life is a continuous process. This thought gives a heart in pain lot of comfort. From one life to another we carry alongwith us our respective karmic accounts with us which are checked in between two lives by the Divine. You may have missed some rewards you thought you deserved on earth but the Lord does not miss even the smallest act of kindness you ever thought or did on earth. Know that everything has been accounted for. You are precious child of God and you will be rewarded for your work done on earth in the heaven in a manner which you cannot even imagine;
24. Envision the solution to the problem, believe in it, see it, focus on it. Stop talking about the problem Talk to the problem itself. Sometimes, there are no solutions e.g. in case of death or terminal disease. We are simply supposed to walk through a problem and when we reach the end of it, we have learnt a lesson, grown spiritually, become stronger, more wiser;
25. It really helps if before start of daily routine, we spend some time all alone with ourselves in silence, feel the presence of God, read his word from some holy scripture etc. This way we are better prepared to face our day with least possible stress. Outside noise and activity creates lot of stress in us during the day;
26. Sometimes we find that as we pass through our suffering we are left all alone. Most of our so called relatives and friends have gone out of touch. Never mind you will learn the lesson of telling true from fake after this. You cannot blame them because they just cannot understand what you are going through and they do not know what to say to you. So forgive them;
27. During tough times, pray to God to help us, work out solution. But avoid discussing your problem in a negative manner. We often pray for solution and then go and talk out with our friends how bad the situation is and nothing is going to work out. Talk to ease your pain, for upliftment, for getting positive vibes but don’t gossip about your problem just for the sake of talking;
28. Sometimes while undergoing a trial time, we do not feel like smiling. Don't smile. But atleast stop yourself from presenting a sad, pathetic and suffering outlook. People do not want to interact with people who continue to stay in suffering and cling on to their pain. Fake a smile if you can. But do not brood for long because then not only your friends will avoid you but even your relatives also would like to keep away;
29. Try to be in company to those who are encouraging you to come out of your pain gently and intelligently. Some people use this time to drag you down the spiral and take you to the path of harmful addictions. Save yourself. This is time to be strong mentally, physically and emotionally. You have to put in extra effort and drag yourself out of your pain (with or without any help from others);
30. Do not look down upon yourself in any manner. Some people love to stay in guilt and make rest of their lives miserable. Be kind, gentle and loving to yourself. Have faith in yourself. Always remember that it is the EGO which loves to clings to pain. Ego loves to reconstruct that hurtful event or situation again and again in mind. Therefore, consciously, on purpose, try to shake off your pain. Think highly about yourself simply because people who have not suffered in life do not understand what you are going through. Have compassion for such people. Sooner or later, they will also have to understand what pain is all about. Forgive them and Forgive yourself.
To spend rest of our life we have better think of positive aspect of our problem with FAITH and then be PATIENT to let GOD step in and HELP. We do not know what karmic debts we cleared off by suffering this particular loss. We have to be thankful to our ‘enemies’ (be it event, people or circumstances) for making us stronger. We have to remember that this life is a journey towards eternity and we are supposed to enjoy the journey with all its plus and minus till we reach our destination - WHEN NOTHING MATTERS.
Vandana Ritik
New Delhi
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