A blog that provides information on Shirdi Saibaba philosophy, Hinduism Vedantic Philosophy, Angelic help, Concept of God, Law of Karma, Journey of Soul, lessons learnt during Covid19 lockdown, provides spiritual tools to come out of suffering due to painful emotional issues especially loss of a family member.
Few days ago, while watching TV, BK Shivani had some really wonderful things to say We have to learn the art of thinking in a different way in order to face difficult situations in life so that we sail through them with ease instead of complaining and creating unnecessary pressure on ourselves. We always have so many complaints with ourselves and the world. If we change ourself the world around us automatically changes. situation could be the same but it won't affect me the way it used to earlier. In our life / relationships
We are faced with 3 options to change our perspective always:
I GET WHAT I LIKE - there is no issue here. eg friends I choose I am free to choose so I like them, my parents may not like since they have a different perspective. But supposing I do not get what I like. What then?
I LIKE WHAT I GET - sometimes when I do not like what i have e.g. relations where I have no choice or events etc. I have to change my perspective to look at it positively - look at it diffferently and say 'I like what I get'.
I DON'T LIKE WHAT I GET - Third painful option is to live with this attitude - well you will never get anything of your liking if you are thinking on these lines. Haven't you seen people around you who are always complaining with everything around them - the world, the weather, the boss. all wrong happens with such people.
Another aspect is choice of words when i say I HAVE TO DO IT since I have no choice. I create stress for my innerself. because HAVE TO word creates pressure on me and ultimately unhappiness.
I have to replace I HAVE TO DO IT with I WANT TO DO IT or I CHOOSE TO DO IT to feel better and maintain a positive outlook for myself atleast -things may not be happening as per my liking but I CHOOSE TO LIKE WHAT I GET BECAUSE I WANT TO. Doing something as per someone's wish (it was my choice in first place) and then complaining is contradictory. When we do it we better do it with positive mind set otherwise it creates negativity first for myself and then in my relations.
The above things taught me that when I change my way of looking at things, my attitude and mindset automatically changes and then even when the situation is the same, I am in peace and in position to handle it with courage without causing any hardship.
Saibaba advised his devotees to have Shradha and Saburi always.
Sadguru Shirdi SaiBaba often said that ‘Shraddha’(Faith/Trust) and ‘Saburi’(Patience/ Endurance) are mines of virtues. If his devotees could develop these virtues in themselves, they will cross this ocean of worldly existence without the least trouble and easily.
We are devotees of Saibaba. Have we ever truly introspected to check whether we have been able to develop these twin virtues of ‘Faith’ and ‘Patience’ in us?
I often thought that I had Shraddha but I lack in Saburi because I have an impatient personality. But as I introspected, I realized, I did not have true faith either.
Thinking deeply I realized that these two mines of virtues are very deep and what they contain is beyond value. Faith and Patience together hide the formula for our Freedom. If we practice both, we will experience what we came to experience on earth, our aim of taking human birth – the ultimate Sat-Chit-Anand.
Getting intellectual meaning of these two words is easy. We all understand what these words mean. BUT DO WE REALLY PRACTICE? Do we trust SaiBaba like a child trusts his parents and relaxes completely?
If we trust SaiBaba, it means we believe that he will take care of all our problems and help us out of all our so called troubles. We should become completely stress free. Having placed our Faith in SaiBaba means, we are now free from worry, fear, guilt, anxiety, our as well as security of our family, social position etc. Why? Because we have faith in SaiBaba and he is taking care of us. However, we still worry, feel stress, get confused, feel inner conflict, feel out of control, get angry and annoyed.
If we REALLY have Faith in Saibaba than why do we behave like this? These problems should not be bothering us. Isn’t Saibaba taking care! Here is the Catch. Either we do not trust Saibaba or our faith in him is only namesake.
SaiBaba advised his devotees to do all the duties of the respective stations of their lives with honesty and not to bother about the results because these are in the hands of Almighty. Lord takes action impartially. He is kind and compassionate and takes care of all without any discrimination. Even when we feel abandoned, He is still there. If we cannot see or feel him, it is because we are focusing on what is going wrong and not what is going right. If only we could focus on what we still have rather than what we lost.
If there are some tough times, God must have given them to us to help us grow in strength and character. None likes to pass through tough times, faith shakes, we want to know, how Saibaba helped my friend in trouble but not me in the same situation. Only Saibaba knows the answer to this. If I believe in Him and Trust him fully, I should be confident that He will take care of me at the most appropriate time. Now when will this ‘appropriate time’ come, only HE knows. I don’t have to worry about it. I place my request before him and let him do what he wants to do. I don’t have to repeat my requests everyday to remind him. He hears me the first time itself. I have to practice Saburi here.
When there is a delay from his side, we want to find out the answer and get restless and miserable. We fret, we pray out of fear(which is just a formality), we consult astrologers to find out when and how our bad phase will end and why did this happen to me only. When SaiBaba is our helmsman than why are we worried and running here and there? Where is our Shraddha? Where is our Saburi?
Wise men say that sometimes it is better not to know than to know. Ignorance is Bliss. Why are we trying to find out the reasons if we have genuine ‘Shraddha’ in SaiBaba. We should feel gratitude that we are devotees of the One who knows All. Why not accept what he does with our lives with all peace and calm? Have we not placed our Faith in him. We should not love Saibaba only for what He can do/has done for us but we must love him for what He Is. Faith is always unconditional. Through our faith, God checks whether we trust HIM in our ‘not knowing’ reasons for all things going wrong in our life and our environment. If we knew answer to everything happening in our lives, we won’t need a Sadguru.
SaiBaba said ‘Cast your burden on to me and I will bear it’. If we have cast our burden on SaiBaba with faith, why are we feeling burdens in our daily lives. Why do we get stressed, depressed, tense, insecure and fearful everyday. Our diabetes, BP, heart problems, headaches, upset stomachs are results of stress we have kept in our lives and we are not even aware of it. SaiBaba told us to do our duties to the best of our abilities but he never told us to worry and fret.
Saibaba referred to ‘Saburi’, as sister of ‘Shraddha’ who go hand in hand. Why? By this He is trying to teach us that once we have placed our unshakable and firm faith in our Sadguru, we must be patient enough to wait for the results because some results may be to our liking and some may disturb us. Only God knows what is good for us. Did not Das Ganu get this lesson from maid in Kakasaheb’s house? Whatever happens in our life is ultimately for our own good. Therefore, we should be patient enough to accept it, endure it and overcome it without disturbing our peace of mind. Be happy no matter what the circumstance is because trust in God is answer to all the problems we have. Once I have placed my faith in God, I should stop asking reasons for things not happening as to my liking.
We are in a hurry to have things happen our way. But God has his own ways. He knows what is good for his devotees. He may not be telling us but we should have firm belief that he is taking care. World may go topsy turvy but my faith should not shake. If we did not get what we wanted than it was not meant for us. What is ours, comes to us. What is not ours, why bother at all. We are free to feel joy and peace in our lives despite problems once we have put our trust in God. Now we have to wait patiently for God to take appropriate action with belief that it will be for our benefit. We feel doubtful if we do not have answers to our problems. It is at this time the sincerity of our faith and patience are tested.
A true devotee who has Trust in Him will wait Patiently with the firm belief that He will take care when the time is right. We have to learn to do right things even when the results may turn out to be ‘wrong’. As they say “Do your Best. God will do the Rest”. Only He know why things are happening the way they are happening. Our job is to act wisely as per the voice of our conscience and then feel free because HE is in control. This is what ‘sarvasva sharanagati’ is all about.
A true devotee practicing faith and patience knows that Saibaba will always provide a way out of tough situations at the right time for only He knows what time is right for each and everyone. Some may get results fast, some may have to wait for years. We have to stop finding answers to problems that only God can answer.
Trust sets us free from everything – worry, past mistakes, addictions, bondage, what people think about me, promotion, money, security, fears, expectations, strained relationships, diseases, grief, pain, loss of a loved one etc. When we trust we are free from botheration of finding out why this is happening to me, my family or to the society. Patience gives wings to this freedom, adds joy to the peace, gives strength of character, and connects us to the ultimate source of power.
God loves us unconditionally, when we feel pain and pleasure, joy and sorrow, mine and others, we create barriers between us and God. When we think we are separate from God and others, we suffer. Shraddha and Saburi are those virtues which will dissolve these barriers. When there will be no wall of separation, we will be able to feel presence of our Sadguru SaiBaba around us always, we will be able to see HIM face to face and understand how much He loves us.
Today's date is 10-10-10 which comes only once in every 1000 years. 10 is number of completion and coincidentally today is my last day of my active service in BSNL.
I had joined Department of Telecommunications under Ministry of Communications, Government of India on 23-1-1987. I still had 15 more years of my secure, permanent government service left but on an instinct I had applied for VRS on 13th July, 2010 giving notice of required 90 days. Later as I counted 90 days, the 90th day fell on 10-10-10. Is this a miracle!!!!!!
Almost 24 years of active service which I loved to do. Gave my best to my job and never wanted to quit it. But my 13 year old son needed me at home. My ageing parents needed rest. I wanted to do what I always wanted to do but could not due to my busy schedule.
When I was walking out of my office on Janpath the last time on 8th Oct (being friday, weekend), I wanted to break down and cry my heart out. My job had given me so much. I loved it as long as it lasted and God has made arrangement so that I continue to get pension out of this job for my rest of life.
I was crying because I was scared but when I look through eyes of spiritual knowledge, I realise that it is not me who has quit. I am not the DOER. Nature arranges circumstances in such a way that a person is inspired to act accordingly. When a person takes credit/discredit of such an act, it creates karma.
I have acted as per divine guidance understood my me. I surrender to God and give HIM all the credit for this action. As The Bhagvad Gita says 'Whatever happened is good, whatever happening is good and whatever will happen will also be good'. So I do not worry. Dada Bhagwan has said that Worry is the highest form of EGO...... to think that only I can solve my problem.
So now as the special number 10-10-10 indicates - one door has closed. I am sure Angels will guide me let me open and enter a new door to a better future. May I be able to help others and be of service to Lord and am able to understand His guidance and follow His instructions to the hilt. God is my Saviour. He is Me and I am HIM. I AM THAT.
God created Man in his own image. If we take Man and God separately it would mean denying oneness of the universe. Ik Onkar, Sabka Malik Ek, All is One, God, Father & Son are one would lose its meaning. There is no separation or boundary between a Man and God. In our ignorance, we feel we are separate and God is sitting somewhere far away beyond the clouds and sky, somewhere deep in Universe which is not true.
Ancient Hindu scriptures have been telling us that the only way to reach God is by going inwards. God cannot be found outside. It can be felt inside us. This is the reason why human birth is considered so sacred. Because it is Man who can actually learn, feel and ultimately experience God – nowhere outside but inside his body temple – in the state of complete thoughtlessness.
Scientists have proved that the tiniest part of this creation is 'vibration' which they have not been able to break down further. This vibration forms electron, proton and neutron, which in turn form atom, which form molecules… and so on. This vibration is nothing but energy - an intelligent form of energy, which has a life and existence of its own. We call it as pure consciousness because it is not visible but this ‘space’ is there which is always vibrating at a very high speed and produces celestial sound. When this consciousness condenses it becomes matter and thus become visible. Denser the condensation, solid is the matter. Man is one such visible form of matter, who has got five senses to see, smell, taste, touch and hears everything related to matter around him. He forgets to go inwards where God would be revealed to him. God /Universe/ Brahman is that pure consciousness which cannot be seen but has to be felt and experienced. It is that Divine Universal Life Force Energy which runs the show of the world. It is like that tiny dry seed which contains a huge big tree hidden in it. The seed turns into tree only when certain conditions are satisfied – it gets support of five elements – water, air, earth, ether and fire(sun). We cannot say that tree is separate from the seed. They are one and the same.
Behind every act, there is an intention. When we worship we have to be sure why we are worshipping. Is it mere ritual that we are doing? Is it being done with the desire to please and get some reward in return? Highest form of worship is that which is done to find answer to our own identity? Who am I? When a man starts questioning himself about his own origin, God starts to reveal himself to man. God symbolizes knowledge. When a man gets into self inquiry mode, he first understands that he is not body but soul.
Soul is nothing but energy (the pure consciousness / feeling of being alive) which runs this human body, which makes this body think, analyse, act and thus leave deep impressions in his astral Body for further action. When a soul leaves body, the physical body becomes useless and is therefore discarded even by the relatives of that man concerned. The impressions that human accumulated in the lifetime get carried forward to next lifetime to learn new lessons. Lessons once learnt need not be learnt again.
We should worship God to know HIM - to know our own origin. To know him means to remove layers of ignorance of our intellect. As layers are removed, knowledge shines bright, God starts becoming visible, the mysteries are solved. Suddenly everything becomes crystal clear that there is no difference between Man and God. At the deepest level all is vibration. Hinduism philosophy is all about experiencing this ultimate truth. An ordinary human knows all this in theory. We are supposed to think about it, meditate, contemplate, and assimilate upon this theory continuously
When there is duality because of ignorance, one sees all things as distinct from the Self. Sankara the great monist has written that when everything is known as the Self not even an atom is seen as other than the Self. As soon as knowledge of the Reality has sprung up, there can be no fruits of past actions to be experienced, owning to the unreality of the body, just as there can be no dream after waking i.e, Ekam Sat (only one exists). Maya is nothing but dualistic cosmic delusion, which makes us think that Man is separate and God is separate.
Sadguru(the Ascendant/Perfect Master) guides us gently, uplifts us internally, removes the layers of Maya from our vision and brings us face to face with both – form and formless - aspect of God. Each soul has to experience this truth and realize God in Self. So either way we go, whomsoever we worship first – God or Man, if our intentions are to satisfy the thirst of our soul to know its actual source, we will reach the same destination. Man is creation of God. When we worship man, we worship God because in this way we are acknowledging our love and respect for the creator with an attitude of gratitude.
SaiBaba is one such Sadguru for Hindus (like Lord Jesus) who took human birth to reveal these mysteries of Universe/ Brahman/ God to those earnest devotees who really wanted to know thy Self. The man is visible aspect of God, who is invisible to human eye. SaiBaba has advised us to try both the ways (worship of Form or Formless) whichever is suitable to us as under:
"To get the knowledge(realization) of the self, dhyan(meditation) is necessary. If you practice it continuously, the vrittis(subtle thoughts) will be pacified. Being quite desireless, you should meditate on God, who is in all the creatures and when the mind is concentrated, the goal will be achieved. Meditate always on My formless Nature, which is knowledge incarnate, consciousness and bliss. If you cannot do this, meditate on My Form from top to toe, as you see there night and day. As you go on doing this, your vrittis will be single pointed, and the distinction between the Dhyata(meditator), Dhyana(act of meditation), Dhyeya(thing meditated upon) will be lost, and the meditator will be one with the consciousness and be merged in the Brahma(Universe/God)…..This way always remember and meditate on the Lord, Who will manifest Himself to you”. Saibaba has also told his devotees to “Demolish the wall of difference that separate you from Me, and then the road for our meeting will be clear and open. The sense of differentiation as I and thou, is the barrier that keeps away the disciple from his Master and unless that is destroyed the state of union or atonement is not possible i.e, God is the sole Proprietor”. Here ‘Me’ doesnot mean physical body of Saibaba but the pure consciousness –the formless Self in the body that Saibaba is advising devotees to meditate(think) upon.
Thus, disregard of His creation would be disregard of God. Therefore, when all is One, we can start our worship from any direction, either Man(form) or God(formless), we will ultimately reach the same destination of Self realization, that is, – Sabka Malik Ek - All is One – the state where a Man sees all beings in the Self and sees the self as existing in all being, for whom all beings and everything that exists have become the Self.
All through my growing years I often heard this advice from important people in my life that we must always maintain a balance in life. I often read about this in religious scriptures, like, Lord Buddha advocated following middle path and to avoid living in extremes. What does all that mean? I was not clear in my mind even though I had myself started advising my kids also that they should learn to maintain harmony and balance in life to be successful.
Funniest part is I didn’t understand this ‘balancing’ thing. I was blindly doing what others were doing. I was mostly acting randomly and deciding what constitutes perfect balance in my life as a daughter, wife, mother, student, employee etc so many roles I am playing all at the same time. I was doing what I ‘felt’ was right thing to do at that point of time. Yet so many times I was not happy and feeling out of balance.
What constitutes the right balance is difficult to define. What is that middle path. Hindu scriptures talk of half male and half female aspect of God in order to define what is balance. Chinese talk of yin(receptive female element of intuitive mind) and yang(strong male creative power) balance. Whenever we come across something at extreme level we can easily identify and know that it is out of balance.
In our day to day life to indicate this imbalance we often use the word ‘too’ - something or someone is too sweet, too rude, too thin, too fat, too studious, too lazy, too talkative, too quiet etc. Here ‘too’ indicates that the quality we are talking about is out of balance. We even have adjectives to label certain aspects of our personality e.g. extrovert, introvert, shy, aggressive, bold, timid, fearful, daring, brave, timid, workaholic, work-shirker etc. We know we are talking about out of balance personality here – some aspect in personality which is either over or below normal level. However, how do we know that we are in balance in any given situation?
I got an answer in Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda teachings who has stated that each human being has inbuilt masculine and feminine aspect in its personality which has to be in perfect balance for healthy body, mind and soul. Masculine or positive aspect reveals itself as power to judge, discriminate, reason etc while feminine or negative aspect reveals itself through feeling of love, compassion, joy, and emotion. If 'reason' lacks 'feeling' it becomes calculating and harsh and if 'feeling' lacks 'reason' it becomes blind emotion. We go out of balance and thus unhappy.
This philosophy made perfect sense to me and I could understand it clearly. A perfect balance of these two aspects (reason & feeling) results in right action. Have you noticed that sometimes we don’t do right thing just because we are not feeling good about doing it. We get deceived by our ‘feelings’ and want to give ‘rest’ to our body.
If I am reasoning too much and overlooking the emotional aspect of a given situation, I am going out of balance. I have to judge my friend, family or even enemy through intelligence and reasoning and not by emotional blindness. From where does this intelligence comes from? It is inherent part of our soul. We call it as voice of conscience – which may differ from person to person. What may be right to me could be 'not so right' to the other person.
I should have faith in my own inner intelligence and reasoning for my own growth. I may take advice from learned people, teachers etc but ultimately my decision should be based on my own inner understanding of the situation if I want to grow. I have to understand that I am responsible for my life and its result.
If you know through your intelligence and reasoning that you have not wronged a person and the other person (even the world) insists that you are wrong, then you are not wrong. Swami Vivekananda has insisted that a human being has to learn to ‘have faith in self’ to be successful in life. To be able to say ‘I have a clear conscience’ is the most happiest state for any human being. This is the perfect state of balance.
The pre-requisite here is taking responsibility of each and every happening in my life. I get what I attract. I am responsible for my failure and success. We are mostly shrugging off our responsibility by blaming others for things going wrong in our life. I have to do my part of karma in the most diligent manner as per guidance of my inner consciousness. Nobody else is responsible for anything going wrong in my life. The universe is working in divine perfect order. Everything happens the way it should.
In this workplace called earth, I am the warrior (Arjuna) and God (Krishna) is nothing but my own inner voice of conscience-ness. So many times we know what is right but still we don’t do it because we do not ‘feel’ like doing it. We get deceived by our strong feelings and emotions and end up making wrong choices just to feel good. We have to discipline ourselves if we want to live in balance.Make it a habit to do right thing even when we don’t feel like doing it. We have to discard those reasons which are making us emotionally and mentally blind (Dhritrashtra).
As a human, we are energy beings, made up of pure consciousness. When we look at others too as pure consciousness, we act right and maintain balance. When we personalize, we make wrong choices. Right approach to maintain balance would be to look at the situation /person from non-personal level, try to feel what other person is going through, discriminate intelligently, listen to your own inner voice of conscience, reason out, take a decision, act and standby it. Now don’t let judgments of others bother you. You have done your best if you 'know' it in your heart. This is sufficient.
Expectations have a very important role to play in the life of every human being. To a certain extent they determine the very nature of an individual.
A person having very high expectations has a frustrating disposition. He is often found to be too critical and mean in nature – always finding faults with others. Such persons are very ambitious but tend to make faulty decisions as they are always in a haste and also because expectations which they have from all others viz., colleagues, friends, family, boss are not always met with. These type of people are always found blaming other people for various calamities in their life and career. Thus they have a tendency to overlook their own mistakes. These are very sensitive persons. If they are successful on their professional fronts, their personal life is not much to boast of, for they are not a pleasing company to their near and dear ones. Otherwise these people are not successful in their careers as they are never satisfied in the atmosphere they are working in. Hence they quit one job after another in the pursuit of fulfilling their expectations and failing every time, thereby increasing their frustrations. Only solution for such persons is to bring their expectations on a little lower level, i.e., somewhat achievable level.
On the other hand an individual with no expectation is always at peace. He is more or less like a peaceful ‘pigeon’ – always happy with everyone, with no complaints whatsoever, with life. People of this category are very few and difficult to find in today’s world full of hypocrites. When we come across such people we find them out of this world. They act like anchors in the times of trouble for the whole humanity. They believe in giving peaceful advice, share woes of all those who get in touch with them. They give a new direction to the ones who have no hope with the life. They are sometimes known as ‘saints’. They help mankind with no expectation of return either in cash or kind. It is due to these people we get the meaning of words like, honesty, dedication, social service, philanthropy. These are the people who reinstate our faith in humanity. They are living Angels on earth - Helping others even when they themselves are going through pain in life.
Then, there is another category of people which falls somewhere in between the above mentioned two categories. These type of people have neither too high nor too low level of expectations from life as well as people around them. They are able to strike a balance and find peace and tranquility in their lives. They try to accommodate interests of others ad also make endeavors to analyze as to why their expectations were not met with. This way they understand problems of others as well as correct their own mistake and errors. They have a balanced disposition and they are also down to earth human beings with regard to their attitude towards life and people in general. They maintain stability in all types of ‘seasons’. They have the ability to turn towards the direction of ‘tide’. They are adjustable in all circumstances though after initial hesitation sometimes. Thus with this ability to face all problems in life they survive magnificently for they believe in fate and hence are able to face turbulent winds in their lives like giant trees. For them, problems are part of life and one has to learn to live with them and face them head on. They have good balance of mind. At the time when they have either failed miserably or achieved tremendous success, they label it as ‘luck’. These people have a great intuitive sense and better understanding of emotions of people. Therefore, they adjust themselves according to the situation and change according to demand of the situation. These kind of personalities are liked by all.
So you see how expectation level of a person is also yardstick to judge human nature. Now it is upto you to decide to which category you would like to belong. OK! Start Thinking…
Outer life is all about materialism – body, family, friends, country, studies, job, eating, playing, resting, entertainment etc. –this whole universe which we can see or perceive with our five senses of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and smelling. Outer life is all about my body in relation to other bodies outside and around me.
On the other hand, Inner life is all about spiritualism – self inquiry, who am I, why have I come here, who is God, where is God, why do I feel in a particular manner about one person and differently for another. Inner life is all about inner conversation with self, my inner connection with God and Universe. It is beyond the perception of our five senses, unseen and based purely on intuition.
Outer life is how world looks at me while Inner life is how I look at myself. Outer life is visible while inner life is invisible and strictly private and closed. Inner life is very sacred and needs to be taken very special care of. Improvement of inner life depends on sole individual effort. No luck, opportunity or worldly 'influence' works here. Only God's grace can speed up our inner awareness. Outer life is concerned with 'What' I am doing while Inner life is concerned with 'Why' I am doing - my true intentions for undertaking any activity.
As a human being we are show offs. We are mostly concerned about learning about ways and means to improve our outer life – studies, degrees, position in society, promotion at job, fame, money. All the time we are learning how to be successful in our outer life and if we are successful than we do not want anything more. We are full of pride and say ‘I am happy and content, I have everything I wanted’. Is this true???? Is this all we want?????
We do not want to learn about ways and means to improve our inner life. We wait to get old for ‘such a waste of time’. But by that time it is late because now we are not left with sufficient energy to explore and know thyself.
We should invest our time in self inquiry often. If we spend time with ourselves for some time of the day, it will not only refresh us but make us more stable and in control. If we are aware of how our inner self works, we can improve its working. Thus we will be more wise and be able to take right decisions. We will be more in control of ourselves and it would be difficult for others to manipulate us in a wrong way. And these virtues are more required when we are young, stepping out in the big world and not when we are old and left with very few people to deal with. Needless to add that healthy inner life reflects a healthy outer body.
The famous American Psychiatrist Brian Weiss has observed that we are spiritual being having a human experience. Thus, how can we ignore our inner life. Ignoring it would mean disconnecting with our core source and thus losing our peace of mind and inviting stress even over simple things.
Therefore, apart from imparting academic knowledge to handle outer life, if we teach our children how to be in touch with their inner self, they would not only turn out to be very successful in life but also will be able to handle any situation and adversity in life. They will become pillars of strength because good inner life breeds a highly successful outer life.
With liberalization and development India saw growth in number of professionals, coming of multinationals and lucrative jobs offering good pay scales resulting in increase in cost of living.
This is the changing scene in the middle class families of today’s India. Archana is the only child of her parents. She is worried who will take care of them when she grows up and gets married and moves over to her husband’s home. When she gets married she finds her husband also is the only child of his parents. She and her husband decide that they will manage not only their jobs, children but also look after their parents.
Parents have grown up in times when they saw parents spending all their income and savings on their children and left with nothing to take care of their needs in old age. They are depending on their grown up children to earn and take care of the entire household and old parents as well. But children neglected their parents and in most cases did not take care of their health forget about giving them money which they themselves got from their parents when they were young. They want their parents to do household work, take care of their children and not ask for anything.
With this learning behind them, the present age grandparents have become smart. They saved money, invested it wisely so that they get returns when they turn old in form of pension, did not Will away their property and learnt to live the life in a way they wanted because with their savings they are now self dependent. They do not have to ask for any money from their children and they like their financial independence. These senior citizens can now afford keeping household helpers like cooks, drivers etc. They are not depending on their sons or daughter in laws for their food, medical bills, grocery bills, restaurant bills, travel bills etc.
Archana got married into such financially independent family. Everyone had money. She herself and her husband were having good jobs and her in-laws had all sorts of savings for their old age. Every thing looked fine till a child was born in the family. Archana needed help from her in-laws because they had lot of free time with them and there were servants in home for other household work. Her In-laws were more or less free during day. Archana assumed that if she kept a maid for her child during her absence, her in-laws could act as a supervisor and also play with the grandchild who would always be so happy to be with his grandparents. But Archana did not realize that this is where the scene had changed in the Society. Her in-laws did not want to take any responsibility of their grand child. Why should they? They did not need any money from her or their son. They wanted to enjoy their old age with their own age group.
In all this new age financial independent environment so many things had gone missing – emotional dependence, family support and above all Love. Yes Love is there. But love is without any attachment or any kind of responsibility. We hear about senior citizens being troubled by their children in those places where they are penniless, where children have money. But in Metros and big places where senior citizens have learnt their lesson and have learnt to take care of themselves, they have stopped taking care of their own children, grandchildren.
Archana did everything she was expected to do as a good daughter in law, She cooked, cleaned, looked after her in-laws, husband and her child besides doing her job. But everytime her maid took leave, her in-laws refused to look after her son. Archana would wonder sometimes if the child was her responsibility only. When her in-laws were quite healthy and active why could they not help her sometimes. And whenever she offered any help to them they would refuse and could take help from servants etc on payment basis. Archana felt as if her in-laws had hired a 24 hour servant just to spite her that ‘look we are not depending on you, we have our servant, we don't need your help.’ This way they feel no obligation at all. Whereas when she does anything for them, it is free of cost and out of love, respect and duty.
May be in-laws take it as an obligation because they are not doing anything for her. However, it is easy when servant does anything because he works for money, he is paid and therefore there is no obligation at all. Archana feels totally misunderstood. First she is not allowed to do anything for her rich in-laws on her own and then she is accused that she does nothing for them. She cannot believe that sometimes these old people can really be so mean if they do not get things there way. Then why blame the young generation. They got this learning from their elder only. The great war of Mahabharata (The Bhagvad Gita) would not have taken place if elders in the family had acted wisely.
So in this story, Archana’s in laws take care of themselves only while she and her husband are expected to take care of everyone. Years passed on and all in the family realized that though they lived together they were not doing anything of each other. They lived in a loveless house and not home. How can family bonds develop if we do not learn to take care of each other, share with each other and help each other. We may be rich, have all the materialistic comfort but the most important thing is missing – Pure Unconditional Love i.e, service for each other without expectation of any returns.
Having suffered physical loss of my elder son, Ritik (Honey) at a tender age of 18 years, my whole life went topsy turvy. I turned to spirituality with the help of some friends I made over Internet.
I am especially thankful to Christine Marie Duminiak, Certified Grief Recovery® Specialist, Spiritual Bereavement Recovery Facilitator & Founder of Prayer Wave and Endre Balogh, Fine Art Photographer, Graphic Designer and Concert Violinist who have helped me tremendously in coming to terms with my devastating loss and restoring my faith in God and the Universe.
I have read and am still reading all the books available on the subject. I realise that my Angelic son left for heavenly abode in this manner so as to awaken his parents internally and make them remember and realise the true purpose of life.
Along with my lifeline - my younger loving son Abhay and Dearest husband Subir - I pray to God to give peace, strength and joy to all the souls on Mother Earth.
