This is the changing scene in the middle class families of today’s India. Archana is the only child of her parents. She is worried who will take care of them when she grows up and gets married and moves over to her husband’s home. When she gets married she finds her husband also is the only child of his parents. She and her husband decide that they will manage not only their jobs, children but also look after their parents.
Parents have grown up in times when they saw parents spending all their income and savings on their children and left with nothing to take care of their needs in old age. They are depending on their grown up children to earn and take care of the entire household and old parents as well. But children neglected their parents and in most cases did not take care of their health forget about giving them money which they themselves got from their parents when they were young. They want their parents to do household work, take care of their children and not ask for anything.
With this learning behind them, the present age grandparents have become smart. They saved money, invested it wisely so that they get returns when they turn old in form of pension, did not Will away their property and learnt to live the life in a way they wanted because with their savings they are now self dependent. They do not have to ask for any money from their children and they like their financial independence. These senior citizens can now afford keeping household helpers like cooks, drivers etc. They are not depending on their sons or daughter in laws for their food, medical bills, grocery bills, restaurant bills, travel bills etc.
Archana got married into such financially independent family. Everyone had money. She herself and her husband were having good jobs and her in-laws had all sorts of savings for their old age. Every thing looked fine till a child was born in the family. Archana needed help from her in-laws because they had lot of free time with them and there were servants in home for other household work. Her In-laws were more or less free during day. Archana assumed that if she kept a maid for her child during her absence, her in-laws could act as a supervisor and also play with the grandchild who would always be so happy to be with his grandparents. But Archana did not realize that this is where the scene had changed in the Society. Her in-laws did not want to take any responsibility of their grand child. Why should they? They did not need any money from her or their son. They wanted to enjoy their old age with their own age group.
In all this new age financial independent environment so many things had gone missing – emotional dependence, family support and above all Love. Yes Love is there. But love is without any attachment or any kind of responsibility. We hear about senior citizens being troubled by their children in those places where they are penniless, where children have money. But in Metros and big places where senior citizens have learnt their lesson and have learnt to take care of themselves, they have stopped taking care of their own children, grandchildren.
Archana did everything she was expected to do as a good daughter in law, She cooked, cleaned, looked after her in-laws, husband and her child besides doing her job. But everytime her maid took leave, her in-laws refused to look after her son. Archana would wonder sometimes if the child was her responsibility only. When her in-laws were quite healthy and active why could they not help her sometimes. And whenever she offered any help to them they would refuse and could take help from servants etc on payment basis. Archana felt as if her in-laws had hired a 24 hour servant just to spite her that ‘look we are not depending on you, we have our servant, we don't need your help.’ This way they feel no obligation at all. Whereas when she does anything for them, it is free of cost and out of love, respect and duty.
May be in-laws take it as an obligation because they are not doing anything for her. However, it is easy when servant does anything because he works for money, he is paid and therefore there is no obligation at all. Archana feels totally misunderstood. First she is not allowed to do anything for her rich in-laws on her own and then she is accused that she does nothing for them. She cannot believe that sometimes these old people can really be so mean if they do not get things there way. Then why blame the young generation. They got this learning from their elder only. The great war of Mahabharata (The Bhagvad Gita) would not have taken place if elders in the family had acted wisely.
So in this story, Archana’s in laws take care of themselves only while she and her husband are expected to take care of everyone. Years passed on and all in the family realized that though they lived together they were not doing anything of each other. They lived in a loveless house and not home. How can family bonds develop if we do not learn to take care of each other, share with each other and help each other. We may be rich, have all the materialistic comfort but the most important thing is missing – Pure Unconditional Love i.e, service for each other without expectation of any returns.
Vandana Ritik
New Delhi
