How to learn from problems in life ????

Have you come across that point in life when things are not moving the way you want despite your best effort? Are you feeling cornered? You get along well with so many relations and people around you excepting a few whom you like to avoid. Sometimes, its a Catch-22 situation because you cannot avoid this person because he /she is a close relative or holds an influential position in your life e.g. boss , politician etc. How to move on in such a situation? How to get along with such relatives?

It is said that nobody crosses our path in this life without any spiritual connection or reason. All people that we meet, all situations that we come across in life are in accordance with laws of nature which are perfect, impartial and flawless. All obstacles and hurdles we face in our life are for our growth. It is a fact that biggest growth in our personality takes place when we cross over challenges of our life. When we are through those tense situations when we were feeling all helpless, we realize how much we have grown in our wisdom, character and personality. Knowledge cannot be learnt through book reading. Knowledge is best imbibed through experiencing what we have heard and read. A diamond gets its brilliance after being crushed, rubbed and polished. Prior to this, it was just an ordinary luster less stone. Similar is human being.

All the famous people around us have been through challenges. Spirituality goes beyond fame. In spiritual terms a successful person is not who is famous. A successful person is the one who has never given up. A true successful person is the one who has looked at hurdles in life as a passage and not as an obstacle. A positive person will not change route when faced with difficult situations. A wise person will not run away from a relative, friend or boss etc with whom he is not being able to get along with well. How does he manage this? It is here that spiritual wisdom helps. And how?

Steps towards learning our lesson - First step is acceptance and acknowledgement of the problem, situation or person.

Next step is to understand that the given obstacle will not change - I will have to change.

Next step is to identify which of my inner belief system is being disturbed. What aspect/ fear of my personality this person/hurdle is hitting at? Now I have to try to change my perception and look at the problem in an altogether different way. Example: instead of saying that my husband/wife is very difficult, we can say my husband/wife is very special. The moment I replace ‘difficult’ with ‘special’, I start to feel better mentally, emotionally and physically.

Next step would be to look at problem not as an obstacle but as a ‘way’ to personal and spiritual growth. I have to understand that this situation or this person has come into my life to teach me something which I lack. Truly, our so called enemies are our true spiritual friends. They constantly remind us of our wrong traits and fears which we have to get rid of. If a person ridicules me in front of others and I feel insulted it means I have very low opinion about myself. I have to work on increasing my self worth in my own eyes if I do not want this to happen again. Respect cannot be asked for, it is commanded by our own behaviour. Learn to respect yourself before anyone else.

Example : If person you are helping is not returning your help in your time of need again and again. It means that same is the problem within your personality. If you look inwards honestly you will realise that you also have the same tendency of not helping the people who help you the way they want. Change yourself inwardly and problem will be resolved automatically. Either that person will start to help or someone else will come to help you in his place.

Often we feel threatened by a situation or a person because it reminds us of our own similar weakness or fears which we do not want to acknowledge leave alone admit it. Universe knows our internal unresolved issues and time and again brings us face to face with our own reality until we learn our lesson and move on. If I am not getting alongwith my boss, it means I have inner fears regarding use of power which I have to let go. We get a mirror image of our own self in the person we believe we hate. Our normal reaction is to blame such person or situation as something coming in way of my joy, happiness, success and peace. So we either give up, change our path or avoid the person or situation altogether without realizing that real problem is not outside but inside us. This is the time to go inside us and find out which of my trait, character, habit or belief is being threatened. What is this person hitting out at? What is causing me hurt? Once it is identified, it is time to let go of it.

We have to understand that nobody has power to hurt us. It is us who are choosing to feel hurt ignoring the reality. It is us who are attracting such situations/ persons because we have to work on our own similar fears. Let them go away from life and Grow in your spirit.

The spiritual person knows his own true nature i.e, soul - which is light, love and peace -rest is all illusion. Wisdom means knowing that I am powerful and eternal soul – kid of the God and So are others. All of us are on different levels of understanding and have to learn different lessons with the help of others around us.

A spiritual person will not blame other person or the outside world but will remain steadfast and smiling even in tough situation because he knows he has to work on himself. Once that problem is over he has learnt his lesson and this situation will never repeat itself again.

Vandana Ritik
New Delhi