WHO is God?

When I was young, I thought that God was some kind of a judge who was sitting somewhere beyond the moon and the stars, who was looking at me and whatever I was doing. Sometimes I would think, may be God is too busy to observe my tiny day to day actions. Why will God bother himself with my daily routine? When I am doing something for myself and not harming others, God will not bother about me. God always observes us when we do something significant and different from our daily routine etc. etc. I had heard that when we die, we stand before someone on the gates of that God’s land who measures our good and bad deeds on some sort of balancing machine and we are allowed to enter Gates of heaven when our good deeds out weigh our bad deeds and Gates of Hell when bad deeds out number our good deeds. Heaven is a beautiful and good place and Hell is very dreadful. As I did not wish to end up in Hell and being punished there, I would read holy scriptures to find what are Good deeds and what are bad deeds and it was so very difficult to understand them. Sometimes being good to others hurts ourselves and our near dear ones and sometimes being bad to others was good for someone else. It was so very confusing. I always ended up thinking that when I died, I will be punished because I was finding it so very difficult to keep everyone happy and above all keep myself happy.

Later, I thought, there were number of Gods depending upon which religion one follows and supposing one converts oneself into another religion, the new God will take over. Being Hindu, I had heard there are 84 lakhs Gods and Goddesses and I would wonder whom I should pray to because each God represented one dominant trait. It was all so confusing again. I would bow down before all Gods of different religions and pray to them for giving me true knowledge on the subject.

My elder son was 4-5 year old when he asked me innocently, ‘Mom, why are we born?’ and I was answer less so I directed him to his grandfather to find the answer who replied, ‘Good question, when you grow up you will come to know the answer’. Honestly, that day I really felt so very foolish that I could not satisfy this query of my son. What was the use of my academic qualification? We do not get answer to such question in Science, Commerce or Art books.

I started reading religious and spiritual books to find answer to above question. I understand that our first aim in this life is Self realization - realize that we are ‘pure soul’ and not body and our ultimate aim is God realization - strive to merge our soul with the Divine Spirit. But still I was not sure of the answer to our reason for existence or who and where is that divine spirit, we all call God?

Many years later a tragedy struck my life and I was full of questions myself on Where is God? What is the use of God in my life? What can God do for me? Does God help me when I am suffering? Do prayers work? Where do we go after we die? Where is this heaven and hell? And this time I was not scared of any punishment. I realized I had to refresh my thinking on the subject and that my knowledge about God till date was all wrong. God is not what I had been thinking for all these years or what I see in pictures. These are all symbols or symbolic of God but God was something else, much larger and beyond my so called earthly perceptions. Now my younger son asked, ‘Why do we die?’ This time also I wanted answers.

To overcome my grief, I started to meditate and as I was in so much emotional pain, I guess, some cord of me struck the God and changed my understanding of God. God was no longer a person with imaginable human form. Thinking of God in human figure is initial stage of our journey towards self realization. When we lose a loved one, only the body is left behind and the energy giving life to that body goes back into Universe. Nothing is lost. Heaven and Hell is just in our thoughts. God is not sitting in judgement over anyone simply because God is not separate from us. It is not God, it is us judging ourselves and decide how we are going to live our life

I feel that God is infinite and limitless. God pervades everything in this universe and beyond. God is sum total of all living and non living things around us. God is everything we see, feel, experience or touch. God is active and alive each and every second. God is in my existence and I am in existence of God. God is energy that pulsates and glows in all animate and inanimate creations around us. Everything we sense around us is God. In fact, God is much more because our understanding of God is limited by what we perceive through our five senses. What about that part of God which our five senses cannot recognize or register? It does not mean that IT does not exist. Thus, I feel God is EVERYTHING and God is NOTHING. What we can sense is God and what we cannot sense is also God. God is pure existence, knowledge and bliss. All the Gods and Goddesses are different pure qualities of nature which are blemish free. Nothing is separate. God is in us and we are in God. ALL IS ONE. ALL IS GOD AND GOD IS ALL. This is why it is said that though different religions believe in different concept of God but in actual GOD IS ONE. Once a human understands and internalises this concept, he experiences, what we call as BLISS.

Vandana Ritik
New Delhi