Meaning of Devotion

I am a simple person and at first instant I feel ‘Devotion’ is nothing but ‘Bhakti’. However, thinking seriously I feel that though ‘devotion’ sounds such a simple word but it is so profound and has such deep meaning that after looking up all dictionaries on Web, I am still not sure whether I got the true meaning of this one single & simple word namely ‘Devotion’. One could say that devotion is ‘pure unconditional love without expecting any return’ like a mother is devoted to her child, a wife is devoted to her husband and a son/ daughter is devoted to his/ her parents. And then there is devotion of a Bhakta to his/her deity. This devotion is so very different from the aforementioned devotion because a Bhakta worships his God with the belief that he exists and is taking care of him without even a single meeting with the God. I consider myself as a Shirdi Sai Baba devotee and am still trying to learn right method of devotion. To me, Devotion means - my relationship with SaiBaba which has developed over the years.

When I was a child, I had this fascination for this particular filmstar. I would leave all my work and rush to TV every time his movie or song was being telecast. I thought I was so crazily devoted to this actor. Then suddenly one day I felt disgust at my behaviour and a thought came into my mind. Why am I wasting my time, energy and thoughts on a person I don’t know and haven’t even met. Simultaneously, I thought that if I could be even half as crazy for God Almighty, as I am for this actor, then I would be so lucky.

I remember as a kid, I had to accompany my parents to Shiva temple everyday which I did not like. But today I am very thankful to them for showing me the right path at such an early age. When I got married my husband would take me to Saibaba Lodhi Road temple. I would bow my head down before Baba and silently talk to him ‘Baba I don’t know anything about you. I am coming here to you because my husband is coming here. If I could know something more about you and your Leela’s then things would be different’. Luckily, after few days, we had guests in our home who spoke about Baba so lovingly and also discussed their experiences of reading ‘Sai Satcharita’. Internally, I wanted to have this book. Lol! I found one brand new Sai Satcharita in our home library itself. I read it in seven days and my life changed altogether thereafter. This was Baba’s first response to my sprouting ‘devotion’.

I felt myself drawn towards Shirdi Sai Baba. I felt Shiva, Krishna, Durga, Ganapathi, Hanuman – all are in Sai and Sai is in all. I understood meaning of ‘Oneness of Gods’. I became ‘devoted’ to Sai and started visiting Baba temples, read material available on him. I just started loving Baba. Once I saw a beautiful Saibaba murti left by a devotee under a Peepal tree outside the temple because it was slightly damaged ( one portion of middle finger was broken and base of stone on which Baba was sitting was slightly chipped off). I just could not stop myself. I picked up the Murti, hugged it and brought home and kept it in my temple. If I were to suffer a fracture my family won’t discard me. So what one devotee discarded as inauspicious became a very auspicious blessing for another devotee. Does devotion has different meaning for different devotees. I am blessed that Murti is still in my home and I can feel the change. Earlier Baba’s face looked grim but over the years, the murti has got luster and smile on face. I am very attached to that Murti. I feel immense peace when I hug this Murti in my good as well as bad times. I talk to Murti as if Baba were alive in this Murti. Today it is placed at a prime place in my living room because I consider Saibaba as a family member- the head of the family. Sometimes I wonder if this is devotion or a crazy act.

One day I wanted to visit Saibaba temple very earnestly and requested my elder son to take care of his younger brother for atleast one hour so than I can go to temple. He agreed but also added ‘SaiBaba is in your Home Maa. Why do you need to go to temple’. Something hit me that day in those innocent words. I thought my ‘devotion’ towards Baba was actually ritualistic. Baba is inside me I just have to look inward and I’ll find Shirdi & Baba all inside me. I am also part and parcel of that ‘Oneness of Universe’. Thus Baba was working on me internally.

And Why not, even Baba has said that there is no distinction between God, Guru and Devotee. Now ‘devotion’ had another meaning for me – True love for Baba and considering whole creation as Baba. I soon realized it was easier said than done. Though I could now compose and sing Baba’s Bhajans, participate in his Satsang but internally I was still expecting response from Baba in some form or the other. Not that Baba was not responding. Baba always responded but sometime when I did not understand this response I would feel Baba is not looking at me. All in all I was expecting Baba’s response in return of my devotion. I was praying to God, thanking him but was also seeking favours in return because I always felt that I was a good devotee - going to God in good times and not bothering him during my bad times. I was exercising choice, discrimination in my ‘devotion’ to Baba. But still my internal communication with Baba continued. I conversed with Baba almost most of the day. I always felt him beside me and I was so satisfied in this feeling that I thought with Baba around me nothing can go wrong. Baba is the protector. Afterall, I was not seeking ‘big’ favours from him anymore. I thought I may not be the best devotee of Saibaba but still I was a good devotee.

Then came the biggest jolt in my life, a real test of my devotion, an eye (internal) openor. I lost my older son (18 years) in a sudden road accident. Few days before his passing Baba had appeared in my dream lying on the ground with a white cloth covering his body. I found my son’s lifeless body in similar position in AIIMS mortuary. What was Baba trying to tell me? Suddenly, I felt my whole devotion had gone for a toss. It was so very painful for me. I could think of nothing but my lost son and my feeling of utter despair at my big loss. Where was my ‘devotion’? I was complaining. Why did Baba not save him?.

And did Baba respond? Yes. All the way. I feel him much more closer to me now. I started reading material available on afterlife, NDEs, ADCs etc. As I got more and more insight into my tragedy I felt foolish for blaming Baba for this mishap in my life. Sai Satcharita is full of stories about Prarabdha and now I was actually understanding their meaning. Practical was absolutely different from theory. This ‘pain’ and ‘separation’ from my son awakened me to entirely new understanding of soul (me), spirit (Baba) and spirituality which I had understood only at intellectual level till now. Baba gave me answers to all my queries through so many methods including visions and dream visits. I was seeing my life in bits and pieces while Baba knew all past and future. Baba, very kindly, made me realize and understand that my son was with him – all safe, sound, happy and blissful. What more can a mother ask for? Baba gave to my son after his 18 years of earthly life what I have not been able to gain even after 40 years.

Nine months down my tragedy, I seem to have understood a new meaning of word devotion. Now, devotion to me is loving SaiBaba, no matter what happens in my life, with complete faith and trust and without any expectation and return at all. Devotion springs from Love and complete confidence in God. Devotion is my relationship with SaiBaba. I pray that Baba keeps holding my hand all the time for the fear that if I hold his hand, I might lose my grip when faced with sudden upheaval in life. But SaiBaba will never let go of this grip.

Idol worship, visiting temples, reading religious books, performing religious ceremonies are some acts of Devotion. Complete devotion could be something like - continuous offering of the whole of you – mind, thoughts, actions – with supreme love to the God who is creator of all animate and inanimate things. I cannot offer parts of my life to God. I have to offer all my past, present and future - my entire being & existence to God. I cannot measure Devotion. All the time I feel something is lacking in my devotion. That others are more devoted than me. That I still have to refine my devotion towards my Baba. I have to live for Saibaba while simultaneously fulfilling all my worldly duties and responsibilities efficiently. I have to believe and follow all the words that SaiBaba ever spoke. Only SaiBaba knows what is my qualification in his Darbar.

Devotion could mean anything to anybody. To me, Devotion means my relationship with SaiBaba. As this relationship evolves, so does my devotion to Baba and it continues to evolve. I have no idea where this relationship is going to end for I have surrendered all my intellectual and spiritual learning at the holy feet of SaiBaba. I feel that I don’t know anything. My Sadguru SaiBaba knows everything. He has taken care of my son, sorry his own son, in heaven. He will take care of me and my family too on earth as well as when we cross over. But I have to continue to strive, to strengthen my devotion to SaiBaba. How? SaiBaba will grace me with his holy guidance from time to time as and when HE wills it for he alone knows what is suitable for an ignorant person like me.


Vandana Ritik

Heritage of Shirdi Sai
New Delhi