How to maintain 'Balance'?

All through my growing years I often heard this advice from important people in my life that we must always maintain a balance in life.  I often read about this in religious scriptures, like, Lord Buddha advocated following middle path and to avoid living in extremes. What does all that mean?  I was not clear in my mind even though I had myself started advising my kids also that they should learn to maintain harmony and balance in life to be successful. 

Funniest part is I didn’t understand this ‘balancing’ thing.  I was blindly doing what others were doing.  I was mostly acting randomly and deciding what constitutes perfect balance in my life as a daughter, wife, mother, student, employee etc so many roles I am playing all at the same time.  I was doing what I ‘felt’ was right thing to do at that point of time.  Yet so many times I was not happy and feeling out of balance.

What constitutes the right balance is difficult to define.  What is that middle path.  Hindu scriptures talk of half male and half female aspect of God in order to define what is balance.  Chinese talk of yin(receptive female element of intuitive mind) and yang(strong male creative power) balance.  Whenever we come across something at extreme level we can easily identify and know that it is out of balance. 

In our day to day life to indicate this imbalance we often use the word ‘too’ - something or someone is too sweet, too rude, too thin, too fat, too studious, too lazy, too talkative, too quiet etc.  Here ‘too’ indicates that the quality we are talking about is out of balance.  We even have adjectives to label certain aspects of our personality e.g. extrovert, introvert, shy, aggressive, bold, timid, fearful, daring, brave, timid, workaholic, work-shirker etc.  We know we are talking about out of balance personality here – some aspect in personality which is either over or below normal level.  However, how do we know that we are in balance in any given situation?

I got an answer in Sri Sri Paramahansa Yogananda teachings who has stated that each human being has inbuilt masculine and feminine aspect in its personality which has to be in perfect balance for healthy body, mind and soul.  Masculine or positive aspect reveals itself as power to judge, discriminate, reason etc while feminine or negative aspect reveals itself through feeling of love, compassion, joy, and emotion.  If 'reason' lacks 'feeling' it becomes calculating and harsh and if 'feeling' lacks 'reason' it becomes blind emotion.  We go out of balance and thus unhappy. 

This philosophy made perfect sense to me and I could understand it clearly.  A perfect balance of these two aspects (reason & feeling) results in right action.  Have you noticed that sometimes we don’t do right thing just because we are not feeling good about doing it.  We get deceived by our ‘feelings’ and want to give ‘rest’ to our body.

If I am reasoning too much and overlooking the emotional aspect of a given situation, I am going out of balance.  I have to judge my friend, family or even enemy through intelligence and reasoning and not by emotional blindness.  From where does this intelligence comes from?  It is inherent part of our soul.  We call it as voice of conscience – which may differ from person to person.  What may be right to me could be 'not so right' to the other person.  


I should have faith in my own inner intelligence and reasoning for my own growth.  I may take advice from learned people, teachers etc but ultimately my decision should be based on my own inner understanding of the situation if I want to grow.  I have to understand that I am responsible for my life and its result.

If you know through your intelligence and reasoning that you have not wronged a person and the other person (even the world) insists that you are wrong, then you are not wrong.  Swami Vivekananda has insisted that a human being has to learn to ‘have faith in self’ to be successful in life.  To be able to say ‘I have a clear conscience’ is the most happiest state for any human being.  This is the perfect state of balance.

The pre-requisite here is taking responsibility of each and every happening in my life.  I get what I attract.  I am responsible for my failure and success.  We are mostly shrugging off our responsibility by blaming others for things going wrong in our life.  I have to do my part of karma in the most diligent manner as per guidance of my inner consciousness.  Nobody else is responsible for anything going wrong in my life.  The universe is working in divine perfect order.  Everything happens the way it should.

In this workplace called earth, I am the warrior (Arjuna) and God (Krishna) is nothing but my own inner voice of conscience-ness.  So many times we know what is right but still we don’t do it because we do not ‘feel’ like doing it.  We get deceived by our strong feelings and emotions and end up making wrong choices just to feel good.  We have to discipline ourselves if we want to live in balance.  Make it a habit to do right thing even when we don’t feel like doing it.  We have to discard those reasons which are making us emotionally and mentally blind (Dhritrashtra).

As a human, we are energy beings, made up of pure consciousness.  When we look at others too as pure consciousness, we act right and maintain balance.  When we personalize, we make wrong choices.  Right approach to maintain balance would be to look at the situation /person from non-personal level, try to feel what other person is going through, discriminate intelligently, listen to your own inner voice of conscience, reason out, take a decision, act and standby it.  Now don’t let judgments of others bother you.  You have done your best if you 'know' it in your heart.  This is sufficient.

Vandana Ritik

New Delhi

Check your expectation level

Expectations have a very important role to play in the life of every human being.  To a certain extent they determine the very nature of an individual.

A person having very high expectations has a frustrating disposition.  He is often found to be too critical and mean in nature – always finding faults with others.  Such persons are very ambitious but tend to make faulty decisions as they are always in a haste and also because expectations which they have from all others viz., colleagues, friends, family, boss are not always met with.  These type of people are always found blaming other people for various calamities in their life and career.  Thus they have a tendency to overlook their own mistakes.  These are very sensitive persons.  If they are successful on their professional fronts, their personal life is not much to boast of, for they are not a pleasing company to their near and dear ones.  Otherwise these people are not successful in their careers as they are never satisfied in the atmosphere they are working in.  Hence they quit one job after another in the pursuit of fulfilling their expectations and failing every time, thereby increasing their frustrations.  Only solution for such persons is to bring their expectations on a little lower level, i.e.,  somewhat achievable level.

On the other hand an individual with no expectation is always at peace.  He is more or less like a peaceful ‘pigeon’ – always happy with everyone, with no complaints whatsoever, with life. People of this category are very few and difficult to find in today’s world full of hypocrites.  When we come across such people we find them out of this world.  They act like anchors in the times of trouble for the whole humanity.  They believe in giving peaceful advice, share woes of all those who get in touch with them.  They give a new direction to the ones who have no hope with the life.  They are sometimes known as ‘saints’.  They help mankind with no expectation of return either in cash or kind.  It is due to these people we get the meaning of words like, honesty, dedication, social service, philanthropy.  These are the people who reinstate our faith in humanity.  They are living Angels on earth - Helping others even when they themselves are going through pain in life.

Then, there is another category of people which falls somewhere in between the above mentioned two categories.  These type of people have neither too high nor too low level of expectations from life as well as people around them.  They are able to strike a balance and find peace and tranquility in their lives.  They try to accommodate interests of others ad also make endeavors to analyze as to why their expectations were not met with.  This way they understand problems of others as well as correct their own mistake and errors.  They have a balanced disposition and they are also down to earth human beings with regard to their attitude towards life and people in general.  They maintain stability in all types of ‘seasons’.  They have the ability to turn towards the direction of ‘tide’.  They are adjustable in all circumstances though after initial hesitation sometimes.  Thus with this ability to face all problems in life they survive magnificently for they believe in fate and hence are able to face turbulent  winds in their lives like giant trees.  For them, problems are part of life and one has to learn to live with them and face them head on.  They have good balance of mind.  At the time when they have either failed miserably or achieved tremendous success, they label it as ‘luck’.  These people have a great intuitive sense and better understanding of emotions of people.  Therefore, they adjust themselves according to the situation and change according to demand of the situation.  These kind of personalities are liked by all.

So you see how expectation level of a person is also yardstick to judge human nature.  Now it is upto you to decide to which category you would like to belong.  OK!  Start Thinking…

Vandana Ritik

New Delhi

Inner Life versus Outer Life

We all have two lives – outer and inner.

Outer life is all about materialism – body, family, friends, country, studies, job, eating, playing, resting, entertainment etc. –this whole universe which we can see or perceive with our five senses of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting and smelling. Outer life is all about my body in relation to other bodies outside and around me. 

On the other hand, Inner life is all about spiritualism – self inquiry, who am I, why have I come here, who is God, where is God, why do I feel in a particular manner about one person and differently for another. Inner life is all about inner conversation with self, my inner connection with God and Universe.   It is beyond the perception of our five senses, unseen and based purely on intuition.

Outer life is how world looks at me while Inner life is how I look at myself.  Outer life is visible while inner life is invisible and strictly private and closed.  Inner life is very sacred and needs to be taken very special care of.  Improvement of inner life depends on sole individual effort.  No luck, opportunity or worldly 'influence' works here.  Only God's grace can speed up our inner awareness.  Outer life is concerned with 'What' I am doing while Inner life is concerned with 'Why' I am doing - my true intentions for undertaking any activity.

As a human being we are show offs. We are mostly concerned about learning about ways and means to improve our outer life – studies, degrees, position in society, promotion at job, fame, money. All the time we are learning how to be successful in our outer life and if we are successful than we do not want anything more. We are full of pride and say ‘I am happy and content, I have everything I wanted’. Is this true???? Is this all we want?????

We do not want to learn about ways and means to improve our inner life. We wait to get old for ‘such a waste of time’. But by that time it is late because now we are not left with sufficient energy to explore and know thyself.

We should invest our time in self inquiry often. If we spend time with ourselves for some time of the day, it will not only refresh us but make us more stable and in control. If we are aware of how our inner self works, we can improve its working. Thus we will be more wise and be able to take right decisions. We will be more in control of ourselves and it would be difficult for others to manipulate us in a wrong way. And these virtues are more required when we are young, stepping out in the big world and not when we are old and left with very few people to deal with. Needless to add that healthy inner life reflects a healthy outer body.

The famous American Psychiatrist Brian Weiss has observed that we are spiritual being having a human experience. Thus, how can we ignore our inner life.  Ignoring it would mean disconnecting with our core source and thus losing our peace of mind and inviting stress even over simple things.

Therefore, apart from imparting academic knowledge to handle outer life, if we teach our children how to be in touch with their inner self, they would not only turn out to be very successful in life but also will be able to handle any situation and adversity in life. They will become pillars of strength because good inner life breeds a highly successful outer life.



Vandana Ritik

New Delhi

The other side of the Story

With liberalization and development India saw growth in number of professionals, coming of multinationals and lucrative jobs offering good pay scales resulting in increase in cost of living.

This is the changing scene in the middle class families of today’s India. Archana is the only child of her parents. She is worried who will take care of them when she grows up and gets married and moves over to her husband’s home. When she gets married she finds her husband also is the only child of his parents. She and her husband decide that they will manage not only their jobs, children but also look after their parents.

Parents have grown up in times when they saw parents spending all their income and savings on their children and left with nothing to take care of their needs in old age. They are depending on their grown up children to earn and take care of the entire household and old parents as well. But children neglected their parents and in most cases did not take care of their health forget about giving them money which they themselves got from their parents when they were young. They want their parents to do household work, take care of their children and not ask for anything.

With this learning behind them, the present age grandparents have become smart. They saved money, invested it wisely so that they get returns when they turn old in form of pension, did not Will away their property and learnt to live the life in a way they wanted because with their savings they are now self dependent. They do not have to ask for any money from their children and they like their financial independence. These senior citizens can now afford keeping household helpers like cooks, drivers etc. They are not depending on their sons or daughter in laws for their food, medical bills, grocery bills, restaurant bills, travel bills etc.

Archana got married into such financially independent family. Everyone had money. She herself and her husband were having good jobs and her in-laws had all sorts of savings for their old age. Every thing looked fine till a child was born in the family. Archana needed help from her in-laws because they had lot of free time with them and there were servants in home for other household work. Her In-laws were more or less free during day. Archana assumed that if she kept a maid for her child during her absence, her in-laws could act as a supervisor and also play with the grandchild who would always be so happy to be with his grandparents. But Archana did not realize that this is where the scene had changed in the Society. Her in-laws did not want to take any responsibility of their grand child. Why should they? They did not need any money from her or their son. They wanted to enjoy their old age with their own age group.

In all this new age financial independent environment so many things had gone missing – emotional dependence, family support and above all Love. Yes Love is there. But love is without any attachment or any kind of responsibility. We hear about senior citizens being troubled by their children in those places where they are penniless, where children have money. But in Metros and big places where senior citizens have learnt their lesson and have learnt to take care of themselves, they have stopped taking care of their own children, grandchildren.

Archana did everything she was expected to do as a good daughter in law, She cooked, cleaned, looked after her in-laws, husband and her child besides doing her job. But everytime her maid took leave, her in-laws refused to look after her son. Archana would wonder sometimes if the child was her responsibility only. When her in-laws were quite healthy and active why could they not help her sometimes. And whenever she offered any help to them they would refuse and could take help from servants etc on payment basis. Archana felt as if her in-laws had hired a 24 hour servant just to spite her that ‘look we are not depending on you, we have our servant, we don't need your help.’ This way they feel no obligation at all.  Whereas when she does anything for them, it is free of cost and out of love, respect and duty. 

May be in-laws take it as an obligation because they are not doing anything for her. However, it is easy when servant does anything because he works for money, he is paid and therefore there is no obligation at all. Archana feels totally misunderstood. First she is not allowed to do anything for her rich in-laws on her own and then she is accused that she does nothing for them. She cannot believe that sometimes these old people can really be so mean if they do not get things there way. Then why blame the young generation. They got this learning from their elder only. The great war of Mahabharata (The Bhagvad Gita) would not have taken place if elders in the family had acted wisely.
So in this story, Archana’s in laws take care of themselves only while she and her husband are expected to take care of everyone. Years passed on and all in the family realized that though they lived together they were not doing anything of each other. They lived in a loveless house and not home. How can family bonds develop if we do not learn to take care of each other, share with each other and help each other. We may be rich, have all the materialistic comfort but the most important thing is missing – Pure Unconditional Love i.e, service for each other without expectation of any returns.

Vandana Ritik

New Delhi

Learning to accept God in life.

Everyday in our day to day life we come across different kinds of people, events and situations. It is upto us to whether we are going to let these people, events and situations bother us, disturb us, shake up our peace of mind.

When disturbed we often exclaim, Oh! Where is God? Well I have realized God has got nothing to do with these things troubling us. It is our monkey mind which analysis everything and enjoys or gets disturbed. We get pain and pleasure when we associate ourselves personally with these people, events and situations. If someone says something nice about me I am happy, if its rude comment, I feel bad and get mad at that person. Actually it is my mind which is prompting me to like or dislike anything. If I become aware of working of mind and how it affects my emotions and feelings, it will be very easy to handle any volatile situation. We just cannot let our feelings go helter and skelter. If we do that, we will get stress and restless. If this adds on day by day since life is ever flowing, it affects my blood pressure, my body, my sleep.

I have to understand that I cannot control majority of people, events or situations around me. I just cannot let these steal my peace of mind. How?

I have to learn to believe in God i.e., all around me, the universal laws which are impartial and flawless. I have to learn to accept everything around me as PERFECT. Whether it is to my liking or not is irrelevant. God has made everything Perfect. His creation is in a perfect matrix where each and everyone is linked to each other in perfect balance. Whosoever is in my life, has connected to me with some universal purpose. Nothing is happening here by chance. There is a reason. We are all trying to balance our energies by helping each other either through relations, friendship, job circle, society, nation etc. etc.

When I 'see' some imperfection in someone, this is just an illusion. Why? Because what I am perceiving as wrong is not imperfection for the person concerned. For example, if my boss is not happy with my work he thinks he is right while I think that he is wrong because he is not seeing my side of the story. Well none is wrong. The boss and me, both are perfect in our own way. We are merely perceiving each other through colored glasses and looking at the situation just the way we want to. And the way we look at it affects us because we attach emotions to everything. It is our ego, which gets hurts. Who has seen this ego? None. So basically it is illusion.

When I trust God it implies I trust and accept all the happenings in my life – to my liking or not – as gift from God. For what we get is what we give out. If not from the same person but may be from someone else. e.g. I buy you a cup of coffee today, you may buy it for another and that person buys it for someone else. A time will come when someone will buy me a cup of coffee – could be you or someone else. But I will get back what I gave away. Similar thing happens when you give love to someone or reverse it. When you give hate to someone. You get it back not necessarily from the same source but it will come back to you with double impact. That is why we say we create our own reality. We make our destiny. God is our witness. God is impartial. God is bothered more about our 'intentions' than our 'deeds'. 'Intentions' are subtle and cannot be seen while 'deeds are visible to everyone. Therefore understanding and keeping awareness of 'inner working' is essantial for each human being. But most of us are majorly concerned and worried about world projected outside us. No wonder real happiness eludes us.

Awareness of the Principles on which universe operates is very necessary of our spiritual and mental growth. However, our schools do not teach this kind of stuff. Some schools do have moral education but only as one of their side subjects. Our moral values make us what we are and enable us to cope with trials of life. Whatever we do, our 'intentions' should be right and honorable for Universe is keeping a record of all our invisible intentions and also speech and actions.

When I believe in unseen, the God, I accept that there is a higher authority over and above which is beyond my comprehension. On earth we have two kinds of people – believers in God and non believers in God. We may call God by different names but basic funda is we either believe in unseen power or we do not. Believers are supposed to believe in unseen and its power which gives them peace. While non believers believe in their actions and only in the seen phenomenon thus they lose their peace of mind in no time. Which category do you belong to – Believer or Non Believer?????

Vandana Ritik
New Delhi

Sai Satcharitra on Duty towards family

In Sri Sai Satcharita many instances have been recorded where SaiBaba has advised how a householder – male as well as female should conduct himself or herself. A few of them are as under:

1. First give bread to the hungry and then eat yourself. Do not make the habit of eating alone. Share it with those around you. Always remember God every time you take food. Before the senses, mind and intellect enjoy their objects, first God should be remembered. He who feeds the hungry, be it human or animal or bird or plant, serves God. See God in all beings. SaiBaba disapproved of fasting and said that God cannot be found on an empty stomach. He advised moderate eating i.e, neither starving nor over-eating.

2. Unless there is some relationship or connection, nobody goes anywhere. If any men or creatures come to you, do not discourteously drive them away but receive them well, and treat them with due respect. Give water to the thirsty, bread to the hungry, clothes to the naked and your verandah to strangers for resting. If anybody wants any money from you and you are not inclined to give, do not give but do not bark at him like a dog. It is on account of Rinanubandh (former relationship) that we have come together, let us love and serve each other and be happy.

3. Duty of feeding sanyasi is of householders due to Panchasoona – five sins and their atonement. In order to prepare food stuffs and meals the householders have to go through five actions or processes viz pounding, grinding, washing pots, sweeping and cleaning and lighting hearths. These processes involve destruction of a lot of small insects and creatures and thus the households incur an amount of sin. To atone of this these shastras prescribe 6 offerings viz - Offerings to Brahman, study of the Vedas, offerings to ancestors, offerings to Gods, offerings to beings, offerings to men or uninvited guests. If these are duly performed it leads to purification of mind and helps them in getting knowledge and self realization. Baba in going from house to house reminded the householders of their sacred duty.

4. No body should take the labour of others in vain. The worker should be paid his dues promptly and liberally.

5. For spiritual progress of householders, Baba advised that God is One- Ram and Rahim are one and the same, why should their devotees fall out and quarrel among themselves. It is not good to dispute and argue. So don’t argue, don’t emulate others. Always consider your interest and welfare. The lord will protect you. If anyone does any evil unto you do not retaliate. If you can do anything do some good unto others.

6. To reach God, surrender of self to Sadguru is a must. This surrender has to be combined with two virtues of Faith and Patience. We should turn all our attention towards Him and avoid the company of atheists, irreligious and wicked people.

In short, a householder – male or female - should always engage in good actions, do duties of their respective stations in life and surrender themselves, heart and soul to Him. This is enough to achieve the aim of taking a human body.

Vandana Ritik,

Heritage of Shirdi Sai

New Delhi

I am Soul not body

All along I’ve been thinking that I am a body and my tiny little soul is hidden somewhere inside my brain. Then the other day, I heard a very beautiful and deeply meaningful Buddhist quote: I am not in the body, the body is in me. This made me think and grasp its meaning. I wanted to understand its meaning, how I can put this knowledge to practice and how it is going to help me? I recalled all the information I had gathered so far through the study of various spiritual scriptures on the subject and following is what I understood:-

Here ‘I’ is referred to the ‘Soul’ or still higher ‘Spirit’. Soul is supposed to be the part of the wider Spirit – in the ultimate – all is Spirit. Water in river merges into wider ocean, in the ultimate - all is Ocean- Water. Similarly, soul is micro while spirit is macro just like water in river is micro and in ocean is macro (from where water evaporates and comes back as rain to fill up the river and then ocean again). From this I understand that all micro is part of that big macro - ONE. We call it principle of ONENESS or UNIVERSALITY. Everything emerges from ONE and merges back into that same ONE.

Now If I try to understand the function at the lower level it will be easy. The Soul is tiny spark of THE SPIRIT. Soul is energy and energy can never be destroyed. In itself, the Soul is said to be originally in the state Existence-Knowledge-Bliss. To express and experience itself and its powers, the soul takes up a body where it uses its aspects of thinking, intellect and emotions. However, in the body, the soul forgets its own existence, and gets entangled in the cycle of birth and death. Thus Soul gets separated from its source – the SPIRIT forever. The soul is given chance in form of a human body to recall its origin and merge back with the Source and return back to its original state of bliss forever.

The Soul contains all the information of the SPIRIT i.e., entire universe and its operations. However, when soul takes on this ‘garment’ of human body, most of this information becomes imperceptible because the human body has been bestowed with five senses(see, hear, touch, smell and taste) sufficient enough to comprehend the life it has to lead while dwelling on earth plane. These senses have a very limited range i.e., only earth and its surroundings like planets, solar system, galaxies etc. Accordingly human knowledge gets limited within this range.

However, in the human body, the Mind /Intellect aspect of the soul can be used to access the rest of the vast universal information. Mind has capability to go anywhere it wants to go. Sitting in my office chair, I can take my mind to foreign locales using my power of thoughts. A soul is capable of using its intellect/mind function to connect with the Source through knowledge and also through power of imagination and thoughts. The tricky part - It is the mind faculty of soul which makes it think that it is body and it is mind only which is to be used to correct the error and understand that I am soul not body. We have to learn to use our mind to control our body desires and not the other way round

The problem with most of us is that our mind has made us very busy with our body and its requirements – be it nourishment, relationships, profession, academic knowledge, attending functions etc. We start to believe that our life is to fulfil these material needs of the body only. We hardly think of the soul- its spiritual needs. We say we will think of it in old age or when we are free. When we forget the reality that I am Soul not Body, the Body starts to rule and control the Soul. Nature wants it other way round. Our Body should listen and function as per directions of our true inner self – Soul. When the body/ materialistic needs take priority and spiritual needs are neglected, the result is that when finally the body is discarded, the soul goes back empty handed. Soul did not experience or learn anything in that lifetime. Why? Because we accepted ourselves as body, then lived and died thinking of us as body. Only the body was enjoying and in the process the soul suffered. Thus the human life is wasted.

This is the reason why great saints and mystics have given so much importance to human body. A human body has been given this special faculty called mind which is to be used to access the universal knowledge, we refer to as God. Ancient Hindu scriptures state that God discovers himself through Us. HE makes HIMSELF known to HIM whom HE chooses. I have to understand and believe with utmost faith that HE has chosen ME. A human being has to aspire to understand these mysteries and understand the working of the Brahman (the Universe /God). It is said that the best way to get this knowledge is constant questioning of the self – Who am I, Why did I take Birth? What should I do to know my Source? How am I linked with others? When we are open to receive answers to these queries, the mysteries start to reveal themselves to us on their own. Actually, it is just ‘uncovering’ the layers of that exhaustive knowledge which is already contained in the Soul. As we ‘know’, we ‘grow’. We came to earth for this growth.

Normally people have an objective to lead a happy family life – grow up, work, get married, have children, get them married, think of God in old age and so on. However, a time comes when a human starts to wonder if he was actually born to do all this. If this thought persists longer than the human being starts to search for spiritual knowledge. In some human beings this thirst for knowledge does not come at all in the entire lifetime. The inner self could not be explored to remove the layers of ignorance and revelation of the vast divine knowledge. The life remained unfulfilled. All along we do not understood that purpose of this birth is not fulfillment of material desires only. It is much more. The materialistic world is to learn the art of giving and taking, unconditional loving, enjoying this journey of self exploration. We get so entangled and absorbed here that we do not want to move ahead and grow spiritually which will make us joyous for eternity. What we should today, we postpone it to old age. Sometimes it is too late.

I think that in simple terms, the best utilization of this human body is that a human being should lead a normal conscientious life and at the same time the human being should remember and stay connected with his Source / Creator/ God / Spirit. For some part of the day, take time aside to stop thinking of the outside world and introspect on Self only – Who am I? Try to feel and experience his own Being, his existence. A Believer in God is supposed to believe and trust in the unseen power even if it sounds illogical to his analytical and logical mind. Human being should always remember and be constantly aware that I am not in the body, the body is in me.

Vandana Ritik

New Delhi